Life and Death

Okay, even I will admit that title is a little much . . . 

It occurred to me, quite suddenly today, that I am living each day as if Delta Flight 19 entails my inevitable death. Doing "last things" here in Wilson. Making final arrangements with banks and doctors. My parents making special accommodations, wishing to meet my every need and want because "my days are numbered" here in the States. An inability to see my future beyond the crowded gate in Atlanta. All this leads to an inherent sense of a certain and timely demise. 

This line of thought, however, is horrifically backwards. Flight 19 entails life, and a glorious one at that. 

Flight 19 is the punctuation on lingering ends and the large, capitalized letter on new beginnings. The ends, it seems, could be punctuated with any variety of marks. A question, an exclamation, an ellipses . . . Although they may remain open and mostly ambiguous in the meaning of each particular punctuation, the ends must become Ends because they will find revival only in new beginnings. 

The beginnings may simply start with an "I" or they may, more appropriately, begin with a supportive, "We" as the group continues to develop a collective consciousness (even if it is currently limited to the internet). Upon landing, we will all find ourselves catapulted from the lives we once lived, forced to attempt a synthesis between the west and the east, between the old and the new, between the past and the present, the present and the future. 

Camus urges us to "Live to the point of tears." Pushing life to this limit is often difficult, and too far from the preferred levels of comfort most wish to enjoy. However, the times that we must hold back the tears are most oft the times that we find we are really living. Through our watery eyes we can see more clearly what and why we value, and how those values are to influence our lives. Certainly tears must not always be negative.  We must spawn a great many of our tears from happiness, fulfillment, beauty, and pleasure. 

Rather than feeling that my tears (which will undoubtedly make themselves known in the next three days) indicate sadness for something lost, I remind myself that these tears indicate that I am about to embark on an experience that is very real for me, a grand example of Life. This is an experience that will help me connect, not with myself, but with the ever shifting meaning of the monolithic heart urging and supporting the racing pulse of our modern world.